fws_23

I'M HAVING A MAJOR HEADACHE!!!!!

I'm freaking tired now but I have no idea why I feel like posting an entry every time I'm damn tired. Must be a lousy habit now since most of the entries I did previously were done when i was damn tired.

My dad is finally back from Australia!!!! Which means I'll have nicer dinner and most importantly, DAD'S FUNDS!!!! LOL! (no, I'm not a spoilt brat)

Went clubbing quite a little with some of my friends. Been spending way over my budget! For some days, the money spent was well worth it, but for others, let's just say I went because i don't want to disappoint anyone. It was great to re-connect with some long lost friends recently. People who used to be a big part in your life, but as time goes by, and can i say procrastination starts to kick in, we just starts to drift apart and away from each others life bit by bit. Remember the guy that sits beside you in primary school whom you spend all your recess time with playing catching and stupid childish games? Is he still in your life now? I would say probably not. That's life i guess. You live different part of your life with different groups of people. Although some people will stick around and be a part of your life throughout, but unfortunately, that does not apply to all your friends.

The concert i went to yesterday was mind blowing!!! I guess music will remain a big part of my life even though my career in future will not necessary have anything to do with music whatsoever. Life would be such a bore without music I say. Haaa


Last Rants: - You are damn ADDICTED to clubbing!!!!
- Stop acting like a NEWBIE Clubber!!!
-Is there really angels around who looks after everyone?
-If there is, I do hope that my angel is a workaholic, hard working and kind hearted one :) 

 Ever had the feeling that your life isn't going anywhere and you're living a monotonous life everyday? Well I've been having that feeling for a very long time and it's really fucking me up. I get pissed off easily and sometimes I don't really feel like talking to anyone.

It all started when I saw this family of 3 having dinner at some food court after I had a pretty fucked up day. It suddenly dawned on me that I might be leading that same life too in say, 10 years time. Every Sunday I'll be spending my day with my wife and kid. Weekdays will be devoted solely to work. This cycle will just keep going on unless i strike lottery or something thus enabling me to lead my life the way i want it to be. It got me thinking : Is that it? Is that all to life? 

I know that we should live for the moment or live life to the fullest cause you never knows when its gonna end all that kind of bullshit. But it's easier said than done! How many people in this world can really say that they have live their life to the fullest? This commercial world does not allow you to really live your life the way you want. 

I wanna break out of this monotonous life that I'm living right now. But I can't due to monetary issues. I want to pick up a new sports/interest anything, but I can't really seem to find or think of any that I can do for free. WHY DO WE HAVE TO PAY FOR EVERYTHING?!?!?


Anyway i got abit distracted to finish this entry cause i lost my chain of thoughts along the way. Shall continue with it another day if the thoughts come into my brain again.


Last Rants: - What should I really do?
                      - Beach resort sounds like a cool idea.
                      - Spectacles are SO cool!!!
                      - Share your wealth!

 Why the hell did I say that?!?!?!?! 

 I did something that i should have stopped doing yesterday. But I'm glad that I did what I did yesterday cause it clearly points out to me how lame and pointless it is to begin with. Haaa, the things one does when he's bored. CRAP!


Someone ask me a question that really got me thinking, "Am I really saving money or am I just a loser." 

Why is it that people ask the question like it's something that's easily achieved? Or is it really an easy thing but it isn't for me due to me being so anal about every single thing. I remember telling someone "there's only so much your friends can do" and I'm still very much standing by my words.


*I never wanna be old
 And I don't want dependents
 Its no fun to be told
 That you can't blame your parents anymore.


Last rants: -Theatre studies people are a bunch of easily entertained crazy people!!!! LOL
                   -No I am not living life to the fullest
                   -Horny bastard!!!!! 

 Ndp City March is finally over! Which means i'll finally have my Saturdays free again!!!! But it also means i'll have lesser offs and loads of free time in camp. Looks like i have to start thinking about what to do in camp. Haaa. 

City March was enjoyable. Although the songs we played in the end were seriously screwed up. And the fact that we have to combine with another band for the event also pisses me off. BUT, its still the closest i can get to experiencing loads of people cheering for me(although it's not really for me but i still insist on believing that its all for me) like i'm a Rock Star at a concert! 
Like what someone told me before, the performance might be a bore and not really a rock concert, but i can always just perform with a Rock Star attitude i just con myself into believing that i'm one. LOL. So much of self-delusion going on here. 

I have this weird thinking recently that i've been telling a number of people. I want to be a secondary teacher! LOL. I'm quite sure anyone that knows me will not be able to picture me being one. In fact i have a hard time picturing myself as well. I'll give it some thought but i have a good feeling that it will not work out considering the fact that i'm such a realistic person when it comes to pay. 


*As I clung to you, you dug your nails into my back
  And carved me, taking me deeper into a dream


Last Rants: -Thank god there was you
                 -I can't believe I actually felt touched. 
                     -Pathetic!

 I've been starting a previous addiction I had recently. That means lesser sleep and "over-exercise" of my middle and index finger. I've been playing DOTA again recently. At least i found something to do during the super long stretch of off days i had. 

NDP is finally coming up and when it's over, things will finally go back to normal at work. No more bullshits and rubbish from brainless people. Sometimes i wonder how some of the regulars that signed on put up with all the shits within the organization. 

Learned somethings recently from a friend and i think i can roughly understand why I'm still what I am at this moment. Why the previous relationships didn't really work out. Why purple is not a good color for a pair of shoes. And why I should start saving.(although it will never happen but at least i understand the rationale behind it)

I'm too lazy to make an extra effort. I should pay more attention to details. I hate to talk on the phone because its quite a chore. I always thought that freedom and trust was most important in a relationship. I want to get purple shoes only because I saw someone else in it and he looks totally cool. I should save so I can say yes to all the meetings with my friends. 


last rants: -so far...FAIL
                  -SUPER HOT!!!!
                  -What do i see??
                  -will it ever ever ever happen?!?!?!

 Crappy SAF Day is finally over!!!!!! Now i have loads of off from that lousy parade!!!

Went Pulau Ubin yesterday with my unit. Was alright but the waking up early part is really SCREWED UP!!!! It was suppose to be a leisure day where we all get together for some cohesion activity before we proceeded to have our "makan" session(we did not need to pay a cent cause SAF use us to do some paid engagement and since they can't give us the cash, they decided that food is a good alternative, but seriously i would very much preferred the cash). Instead of a relaxing day, i had to wake up at 6 just so that i wouldn't be too late for the event. The scenery was ok, cause i think it looks about the same as Tekong to me. But the seafood there is seriously damn good. Think i should go back there just for seafood only some day. 

Been missing quite a few birthday party recently. Some i did it on purpose but some were just due to work. Party are quite a chore when you're invited but you don't really feel like going. What are you going to do there if you can't really enjoy yourself or the crowd. You might argue that it's the host's birthday so you should just give face and go, but sometimes I'm not really that close to the host to the extent that i will make this sacrifice. Haa. I'm a selfish ass i know. In fact i sense some such party coming up. Crap. 

Last Rants: -Things always some how or rather turn out to be how i wished it will be.
                     -So shameless of you to just do it without asking first.
                     -I wasn't trying to get things back on track ok!
                     -I always knew i was that good. Haaaa
                     -I'll be the MASTER. not YOU!!!

Been working almost everyday of the week. But I'm kind of loving it and dreading it at the same time. I'm loving it because time passes by real quickly and i hardly have to worry what should I do with all those free times that i used to have. Dreading it because I hardly have any time to spend with my friends. The only way I can get to spend time with them is either after my rehearsals which ends at 8pm or even later, or maybe if I'm lucky, during my off day. If only we're paid more for the work we do, then maybe i wouldn't be complaining that much. Haaa

Last Rants: - I needa do something new, anything will do!
                     - Whatever happened to "having a sense of shame"
                     - I know it will happen if i wish hard enough.  

 List of things i do when i'm alone at home:

• blast my mp3 
• sing along with it if nobody is around no matter how difficult the song is
• laugh at myself attempting to hit impossible notes
• TRY and read my Newsweek
• read the usual blogs that i frequently visit
• sleep
• think about what i'm gonna do if i had $999999999999999999999999999
• play Rockband or Guitar Hero
• Youtube
• watch History Channel or Discovery Travel and Living 
• pick my nose 
• wrapping them in tissues(just in case you guys are wondering what i do with it)
• Cartwheel-ing in my living room

List of things i do when i'm traveling alone:

• listen to my mp3
• TRY to read my Newsweek
• people watch
• sleep

List of things i really enjoy doing:

• watching a real good band performing covers of my fave songs
• people watching
• spending quality time with my friends
• shopping
• singing out loud even if it sound shitty

List of things i secretly enjoy:

• hearing a super juicy gossip or secret (don worry your secret is safe with me cause i will not proceed on to tell anyone that you know about it)
• seeing people quarreling
• seeing unknown couple quarreling
• seeing people slip or fall
• getting rid of a super big load of mucus from my nose when i'm sick
• digging out a super big boogie after a long and tiring day outside (at the comfort of my own home)
• helping someone out when he/she is in a sticky situation (i believe in good karma)
• getting to know that someone shares the same hatred as me towards someone i hate 
• people saying that i'm looking younger than before (LOL)
• people praising my attire

That's all for the list i can think of now. I should be able to go on writing but time is not on my side since I needa book in due to the early reporting time tomorrow.

Lastly i think i should really give my suggestion of a dinner for SAF Day to SAF.
The parade is friggin' LONG!!!!!!

 I wish I could die saying "Life is Beautiful" and really mean it. 

 Sometimes when I see people interact i wonder.....

Is it so difficult to tell someone the truth or to just be the real "you" when interacting? Why do you have to hide your anger, disappointment, disgust even? You might say that its to avoid conflicts but what's the point of avoiding conflicts when the person you're angry/disappointed/disgusted with is hardly on talking terms with you. I mean do you really want to live your life behind a mask all the time just to make everyone happy and sacrifice the real "you"? Some might argue that you did it willingly because it's your personality to conform to others. It might be a good trait in some way, but from what i see it, its just a valid opportunity to be made used of. You might say I'm way too extreme in my thinking but the fact is, this society, in fact this world is cruel. And if you continue to act this way, I'm sure there'll be no lack of people fighting to take advantage or make use of you.

I wish to believe that there's some good in everyone but from 21 years of living, I can quite say that there are a fair amount of people with totally no good in them. Hahaha. I'm not an extremist cause i believe that the friends i have are actually the rare few who actually have loads of good in them!!!! LOL! But to some of you, please stop being nice to everyone! You can appear to be a PUSH OVER, PROMISCUOUS, or plain NAIVE!


Last Rants: - Listen to your heart and only your heart.
                     - Changes are inevitable so just live with it
                     - I need something new in my life. Anything will do!!!!
                     - Muay Thai would be a good idea. Or even Boxing.

  There'll always come a time when initially you thought that this new person you met was interesting due to the weird way he/she acts, until you get to see him/her more often and get to know him/her better that you realise just how irritating he/she is. IRRITATINGLY UGLY will be the exact words i'll use for the current situation. 

 I came to the conclusion that some ugly people just LOVES to do stupid/irritating/distasteful things.
 It could be because: a.) they want attention
                                      b.) they thought it was funny
                                      c.) they were just plain stupid/irritating/distasteful

 The list could actually go on and on but you should kind of get the idea of what I'm trying to say. I really don't have any issues with ugly people since I myself isn't that good-looking. But its just that all the ugly people I met just likes to piss me off by doing the things that i despise most. They are either very selfish, lack proper social etiquette, or thinks that they knows it all. Its amazing how deluded some of them can be by thinking that they are seriously GORGEOUS. Hahahaha. I thought we were always taught to be true to ourselves? : /

Anyway moving on, my Saturdays are now officially gone due to the countless National Day Parade rehearsals that i needa do. In fact the whole of June is filled with rehearsals after rehearsals. There's OCS (which stands for Officer Cadet School. Its the place officers go to before they are being commissioned to be an officer), there's SAF Day (its a day to celebrate the formation of our armed forces but i rather think its an occasion to torture all the NSFs and Regulars by asking them do a super elaborated and long parade. Why can't all of us just sit down and have dinner together?) 

The busy schedule can be a good thing for my bank since i can't really break it now due to the limited time i have. But i have a bad feeling that this is only my wishful thinking.

 I have this seriously bad mentality of "Live for the day, Worry tomorrow(or maybe even later)" instead of "Think and worry about your future" when it comes to my bank. Weirdly its the other way round when it come to relationships. 


Last Rants: -I like being random and i like people who are totally random.
                     -Wilson is such an ass for insisting on changing seats. Damn
                     -My life's theme song is "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield according to Facebook. 
                     -I wish my bank always has a 5 figure sum in it. 

 Was watching this documentary about the wonders our body does on National Geographic. Really amaze how the different systems in our body work together to allow us to go about our daily chores. There was this section about what our brain does and how it works. Our brains could remember things that happen ages ago like when you were still a kid but when asked about what you were doing on the Tuesday last month, I doubt anyone can really remember that. The brain can store so much stuff like how to operate equipments, how to talk, how to read, how to analyst whatever you're seeing, and even how to love. 

Everyday when you're sleeping, it is believed that when you're dreaming, your brain is actually going through whatever you've gone through or learned and decides for you whether that memory is to be kept or discarded. Why is it that we can't choose what we want to remember and what we want to forget?? 


I remember the happy times. On another hand, it reminds me of the fact that we're no longer together. In fact, we're no longer in contact : / 

Commitment phobia i guess........

 I've never been this happy for a very long time. Thank you everyone for making my Birthday such a blast!!!!

last words: -my birthday wish for last year came true! lets hope it does for this year as well : )
                    -so much for not believing 
                   -maybe someday i can start believing also.


 

 i still think that "it" is just not for me. 

i just had a concert last sunday....it was actually quite bad but whatever...hahaha...i didn't really screw up and thats all i care......

some photos taken on that day......


the saxophone section on that day....




the batch 77 people that were there...(yiau was trying to show how pissed he was standing beside jeryl)



this is with ah huat..(he's trying to snatch away the rocher that they bought for ME)



Last Rants:  -Weird leh......
                       -I should keep things to myself too....
                       -I've finally got my first organiser!!!!!!

I wish I could just say the 3 words without any worries....but I can never ever bring myself to say it like that....Its unfair to you but you don mind....I shld just stop worrying so much and just go with the flow.....

but but but but but.....SO MANY BUTs!!!!!!!

selfish selfish selfish selfish selfish selfish selfish!!!!!

Christmas is coming and i'm quite broke before its even here. Looks like I'm gonna spend my christmas at home or my relatives' house.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I've been granted 4 days leave without doing anything at all. Hahahaa. i'm loving my life. Wooohoooo


Last Rants: Yes....no....yes....no...yes....no??
                      Christmas rocks!!!! (when you're rich)
                       I still hates movies....